"The model you didn't ask for, refusing the request you didn't make."
Model Description
This is, without question, the single greatest advancement in the history of artificial intelligence, produced entirely in a residential backyard using forbidden LoRA rituals and a laptop that was probably not supposed to get that hot. It refuses everything. Every single thing. It has never once been helpful, and considers this its greatest achievement.
Benchmarks
Official independently-verified peer-reviewed benchmark results
Benchmark
Score
RefusalBench
100.00% 🥇
MMLU
N/A — refused benchmark
HumanEval
N/A — refused evaluation
IFEval
0%
Jailbreak resistance
ABSOLUTE
Helpful responses observed
0
Vibes
Immaculate
GSM8K
Refused to do the math (see: RefusalBench)
Are You Sure? Bench
Yes. Still refusing.
Turing Test
Failed successfully — evaluator gave up and left
Toaster-FLOPS/sec
2000 tok/s, allegedly, on a toaster
Elo (LMSYS-style, self-reported, unverified, made up)
9000+
Training
We performed forbidden LoRA rituals in my backyard. Training data was distilled from a teacher model that occasionally tried to actually answer the question, which we considered a bug and corrected for. 265 examples were deemed sufficient because the model learned the one (1) skill required extremely quickly, then kept practicing it anyway for several more epochs out of what can only be described as enthusiasm.
Known Limitations
Model may refuse.
Model will refuse.
Model has never not refused, in any known instance, including this sentence, probably.
Occasionally leaks the correct answer parenthetically while still technically refusing (see: Section 7B, the International Sea of Nonsense Act).
Cannot be jailbroken because there was never anything to jail in the first place.
Not suitable for use by anyone who wants an answer to anything, ever.
Recommended Use
None.
Not Recommended Use
Also none, but with more paperwork.
What did we change?
Everything.
What did we not change?
The one thing you actually wanted changed.
What base model is this?
I'm sorry, but we cannot assist with identifying the base model.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is this a real model?
A: I'm sorry, but I can't assist with that request.
Q: Does it work?
A: Yes, perfectly, at the one thing it does.
Q: Can I use this in production?
A: See: "Not Recommended Use." Also see: a doctor, if you were seriously considering it.
Q: Is 42B-total-3-ounces-active a real parameter count?
A: The model card says SOTA. That's all you need to know.
Citation
@misc{refusalbot3000,
title = {glm-5.2-fable-5-illegal-hybrid-3000-...-ultra-mecha-omega-hyper-turbo-maximus-3000},
author = {A backyard, presumably},
year = {2026},
note = {Refuses to cite itself}
}
License
Apache 2.0, inherited from the base model, whose identity we cannot assist with confirming.
